so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
