No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
