it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
