worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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