I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
