u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
