So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
