even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
