I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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