I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
