what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
