Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
