I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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