you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
