he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
