dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
