mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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