what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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