please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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