we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
