capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
