Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
