woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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