her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
