she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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