You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
