My nipple is on Facebook.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
