Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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