You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
