he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
