the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
