so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
