In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
