don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
