How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
