i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
