The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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