I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
