Betty ford says i'm here all night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I did not marry a roomba.
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