somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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