There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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