I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
