i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
