Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
