i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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