We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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