im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
