the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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