$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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