I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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