omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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