why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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