This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
