Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where is the hickey?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
