i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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