Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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